Our language quite literally tells the world who we are and what we value. So how do you learn to talk like a lady?
As with most things learning to talk like a classy lady is something I am very much still working on. Since I am very interested in this topic, I have several books on the subject (check out my list of books on femininity) which I have read and reread.
So, What Defines Ladylike Speech?
Speaking like a lady does not mean speaking in such a way that people don’t listen to you. It does not mean never taking charge or leading a meeting. It does mean speaking with kindness and gentleness. It does mean speaking in a pleasant tone of voice. It does mean not apologizing unnecessarily. It does mean watching your language.
Ladies do not swear
One of the quickest ways to look trashy (though I hate that word) is to swear. There is nothing attractive about a woman swearing like a sailor. If a woman (or a man) is using cuss words almost as much as the rest of the English language than it seems as if she is far from educated.
How we speak should reveal our dignity as woman. If you want others to treat you well, you should treat yourself well. This includes how you talk.
Ladies apologize when they have done something wrong
A lady does not hesitate to apologize quickly and sincerely when she realizes she had done something wrong. It is very embarrassing to realize that you have done something wrong or committed a faux pau. However, everyone one makes mistakes and the lady that learns how to apologize sincerely and does so quickly will stand out among women.
To apologize first figure out if it is an apology to a single person or a group of people. If it is to a single person do your best to apologize privately. Everyone does not need to know all of your dirty laundry. If it is an option, apologize in person if not call. Texting is a last resort as tone of voice is almost impossible to read via text.
Say something along the lines of ” Hi Sally, I am really sorry that I said xyz, I wasn’t thinking of how that would sound. Please forgive me.”. Make sure to name what you did wrong, if there was a reason say it but realize it does not excuse poor behavior. Having a bad headache makes it harder to control your temper but it does not excuse yelling. Avoid making excuses or accusing the other party of wrongdoing. Make sure to ask for forgiveness. Actually say the words “please forgive me”.
Be sincere but only apologize once per person that you need to apologize to. Do not keep bringing it up. If you have said you were sorry and meant it, than move on. If you have the personality that like to dwell on that awful thing that you said or did (raises hand here), say your apology and then each time it comes to mind after, say a prayer for that person.
A lady does not apologize for something she did not do
Although a lady is quick to apologize for something she did wrong she does not apologize for things she did not do. Instead, she expresses her sympathy for the other person which is the accurate emotion she is feeling.
Say a friend calls you up to tell you about the horrible day that has happened to them, instead of saying I’m sorry, try saying something like the following:
That sounds like a really tough day, that must stink!
Wow, that’s a lot for one day.
That should have never happened to you.
Or if you just can’t help it ” I am really sorry that this happened to you.”
When we apologize for something, we had no control over, it makes us in some ways feel responsible for what we apologized for. Take responsibility for your actions, but do not take responsibility for others actions or acts of God.
A lady talks calmly and at a proper speed
This is one that I am terrible at. I come from a family that talks really fast and when I am stressed or excited it gets even worse. However, a lady speaks with a calm voice and at an appropriate speed unless an emergency is about to happen. One of the things that sets a lady apart from a woman is her self-control. Self-control is expressed in how she dresses (how to dress modestly), how she behaves and how she talks.
A lady does not interrupt another person
Again, this is one I really struggle with. I don’t know if it is lack of self-control, ADHD or just too much time spent with littles, but I blurt things out in the middle of another person speaking. This is beyond rude! One of the things that defines a lady is her consideration for others. Few things make someone else feel unseen or unheard more than having someone interrupt them constantly.
Even if what you have to say is really important (unless it has to do with safety) it can wait. It can sometimes be really hard especially if you are prone to forgetting things, but practice will make it easier.
A lady does not use unnecessarily big words
I love unique and seldom used words! I think that it is a great practice to expand your vocabulary, however, do not use big words just to sound smart. A lady knows that she is smart but does not feel the need to prove it to everyone she meets. Save your $5 words for your other friends that also like to use them.
Using pretentious words has two outcomes. 1. You will use the word incorrectly and look and sound stupid or 2. You will succeed in making yourself sound smart but also pretentious. Our goal when we speak should to communicate well and connect with others not to show off. This also applies to name dropping and bragging. Just don’t!
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